Wednesday, March 13, 2013

too much for a thank you

 









      A pair of twinkling eyes looked at me innocently and wishes for a sanctuation Day. Just a look in her eyes and I can not decide what to feel. I choked on my reply. 

" thank you"  I said, and  I said it to my self "tell your mom, thank you for trying but she is still not welcome to me". Did I say that? Off course, NOT.  She is just a 9-year old girl who has nothing to do with me and her mom giving each other cold shoulders.

Go on, judge me that I can not forgive.  Maybe they are right. Tell them they are right, so they are happy to file me gulty for "not being able to be good enough person".

I dont hide my feelings well, but I dont shoot people down. I could, but I didnt. Why? a psychologist who overanalyzed me during a job interview even accused me of  " the-always-nice-person". I am not. I can kick the trash can when I vent my anger over my boss. I scold people to back off when they are getting in my way or telling non sense.

I know what I can and what I can not accept. It has nothing to do with forgiveness. Forgiveness is not ceasing to feel the pain. I learn to live with it, but it would be too much to just forget it happened.

And what happened? I could write a series of novels about it. You will be amazed how I remember every details. You will probably said the same sentence as my friend said " kalo gue jadi lu, dah mati berdiri kaleeee".

Yes, i died everyday and got up on my own feet. No matter how hard she tried to put me down.











 

Terima kasih, Wisnu





Aji : kalau abis sembahyang, Wisnu doanya apa?
Wisnu : biasanya ada 3. doa yg 1 dan 2 biasanya sama, dan yang ketiga ganti2.
Aji : yang ke1 apa?
Wisnu : yang ke-1, semoga keluarga kita menjadi keluarga yang beruntung
aji : ooo, terus yang ke-2?
Wisnu : semoga kita semua diberi perlindungan
            naaah, yang ketiga terserah Wisnu deh, macem-macem. Bisa semoga pulang sekolah cepat, semoga
            bisa beli lego, semoga teman-teman wisnu gak nakal sama wisnu.