We did not choose to be born in which family or to have what kind of parents.We are just destined to be born. We can cry when we are upset, or wet, or tired, or just want a hug or your cradle rocked. We learn that certain things make us cry or smile, whine or giggle: as a baby. Innocent, fragile and yet lovable, we still can choose to be or not to be happy.
Later we live as adult in a whole lot more complexity. Stimulus are unclear, indefinite, and not permanent. There is no such a thing like automaticity. They do not rush in and pamper us when we cry. They do not come round with toys in schedule when we are deadly bored and wish something new. Still, we can choose to giggle, or whine. It is we who choose when to cry or smile. We might not have the luxury of the comfy cradle that will rock by itself. We'll probably have to find certain giant force to let it rock, when we want it, the way we want.
I believe happiness is only for those who are smart in lives. Happiness requires intelligence, practice and conducive environment. The interesting thing is every individual has his or her own strategy to reach for the state of happiness. It is hard to prescribe it for others. The worst thing is you can not make people to be happy if he/she does not want to.
When I was a kid, I thought I would be happy living away from my parents. I imagined things I could do on my own, with my own money, with people I chose, and the way I want it. I saw myself traveling from one place to another, meeting strangers who do not know me. The reality really was : I was an ailing kid, almost did not make it at the age of 11 of dengue fever epidemics back then. The only thing that made me happy was living my own imagination.
I still wondered whether I would be happier to live in a different town, to meet strangers from different walks of life. You know why? I am sort of sick of my own judgement toward people I thought I knew of. I don't want my cradle being rocked, but I will not make them love me if they do not.
And about friends, family , or work I am committed with.....
They are not the causes of my happiness or unhappiness. And I am never feel obliged to live in a frequent state of feeling to make certain people happy. Because, whatever I do or do not do, they will find their own happiness. And I am not going to seek for my happiness by my effort of making them happy. I am happy because I choose to. I am convinced it is everybody's rights to seek his/her own way.
How?
Di malam yang tak terserang kantuk,
